tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2411253170651203836.post4079982521543830068..comments2023-09-12T09:33:43.919+01:00Comments on Behind The Child: Breaking pointTiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11360092874754466982noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2411253170651203836.post-46328556109352742822008-03-13T19:18:00.000+00:002008-03-13T19:18:00.000+00:00Have you read the book? The Daily Mail altered the...Have you read the book? <BR/><BR/>The Daily Mail altered the chronology of events as a part of its abridgement. Other articles, if not actually written by Julia (or by myself - Guardian for instant) have not necessarily taken things word for word. <BR/><BR/>Yes, the sentiments expressed by Julia in the book are shocking. The feelings behind them are more common than one might think. I have spoken to several parents who admit to having considered suffocating their child or not treating a seizure, "putting the child out of their misery". They've all decided against it, but the consideration was there. That is shocking, but I think that having someone talk openly about this is opening the debate, is helping other parents in that situation to talk about it. If just one parent hears Imogen's story, and makes a call to social services rather than injuring (or worse) their child - and I include non-disabled children here - then I think the story has been worth telling. If the book is getting people talking about the support available to parents in Julia's situation, then I hope that is a good thing too. <BR/><BR/>I'm sorry that the book has offended you. And I am truly sorry if my attempts at explanation are adding to the offence. It just frustrates me to see things taken out of context (I don't mean by you) and used to work up a storm of protest. <BR/><BR/>It isn't comfortable for me, having our lives displayed like this. But I think the loss of privacy is worth it for the importance of the story being told. Do you have suggestions for how the story could have been told more effectively? Or how it should now be told? <BR/><BR/>TiaTiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11360092874754466982noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2411253170651203836.post-61183128700161351752008-03-13T17:04:00.000+00:002008-03-13T17:04:00.000+00:00"She now has another sister, little Beatrice, who ..."She now has another sister, little Beatrice, who is the lively, challenging companion we hoped Immie would be." <BR/><BR/>"the incapacity that makes her a great big rag-doll"<BR/><BR/>"but I cannot celebrate her in the way I celebrate my other children."<BR/><BR/>'Together we had created this poor child, and together we excised her presence from our home'<BR/><BR/>Is is not that Julia couldn't cope, that I have a problem with.<BR/>It is the words she chooses to use in her book, that I can not accept.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2411253170651203836.post-37372251962175921452008-03-12T12:21:00.000+00:002008-03-12T12:21:00.000+00:00Well said Tania. India always writes to make us th...Well said Tania. India always writes to make us think, but by golly, she can be a bit liberal with her vitriol!<BR/><BR/>I think that we all need to read Julia's book - I know I do - the one thing I am struggling with most is the idea of all of Imogen's belongings being taken to the tip... it's just heart-breakingly sad. <BR/><BR/>I hope that you & your family, including Imogen, continue to thrive.Style Policehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07872082813768232994noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2411253170651203836.post-61161449326427220942008-03-12T10:39:00.000+00:002008-03-12T10:39:00.000+00:00The part of this I struggle with is not that a mot...The part of this I struggle with is not that a mother put her child up for adoption, that in itself is not that unusual.<BR/><BR/>What I find upsetting is that JH is writing a book about it and seeking to become some kind of minor celebrity on the back of it.<BR/><BR/>I have two disabled children myself, and I wonder at the kind of message that the book at the accompanying publicity is sending to our society.<BR/><BR/>I adnmire the job you are doing in looking after a very special little girl, but I cannot condone the book.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2411253170651203836.post-59179725668550732312008-03-12T09:03:00.000+00:002008-03-12T09:03:00.000+00:00sadly a lot of the mums on mumsnet have been in th...sadly a lot of the mums on mumsnet have been in that position. or very close. <BR/>my severely disabled 13 year old daughter is with us because she is part of our family and we love her. her brother is VERY close to her. and has found as only a 16 year old can this "story" disgusting" i won't repeat his comments as they might offend.<BR/>JH has put her "story" into the public eye and she will have to accept that not everyone in the sn world is going to accept that her decision was right.<BR/>I have read your blog and have a lot of respect for you. I love the way you write about your children.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2411253170651203836.post-8159887782744751572008-03-10T13:55:00.000+00:002008-03-10T13:55:00.000+00:00Was the article in the Daily Mail, the first revie...Was the article in the Daily Mail, the first review of the book ? People can only comment on what information they have been given, to date. They may not have read the book. But there is plenty of information, radio broadcasts, blogs, previous articles written by Julia. <BR/>Everyone is also entitled to an opinion. Even if they have not been in that specific situation. <BR/>If someone chooses to deliberately place themselves in the media spotlight, then they specifically choose to make themselves a topic for discussion.<BR/>This newspaper article was being discussed in my office yesterday. Most people are of the same opinion: She didn't really try. Immy didn't fit her perfect life picture that she had. So she got rid. Good job that Beatrice wasn't disabled. Would she have got rid of her too, and kept on trying until she got the child she wanted ?<BR/>If JH thinks that this is not what is being discussed by the ordianry person on the street, at mothers groups etc, she is mistaken.<BR/>We all make mistakes. We all fail/ get beaten. There is no shame. Sometimes I wish I had done things differently. I can symapthise with anyone facing her difficult situation. <BR/>Does JH realise that she comes across as so unemotionally cold ? With no humility. <BR/>I hope that she takes some literary advice as to how to paint the other side of herself, that I pray exists.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2411253170651203836.post-82872464229975935692008-03-10T09:16:00.000+00:002008-03-10T09:16:00.000+00:00Perhaps the bravery comes down to being open about...Perhaps the bravery comes down to being open about her decision and choosing to share it with the wider world? <BR/><BR/>Behind every child who comes into fostercare or becomes available for adoption, there is a mother (and father). Julia is not unique in making the decision not to remain the fulltime parent. Where are those women's stories? Where are those women? We hear about women who have had children forcibly removed by social services, but I'm not aware of anyone openly talking about having actively chosen to place their child in fostercare. And yet there are plenty of women who do. <BR/><BR/>Respectfully, I don't think the Mums on mumsnet have been "in that very situation". Undoubtedly, they (we) have been in situations which are unbearably difficult, close to breaking point. Surely though, the fact that their children remain with them, indicates they have not (yet?) reached that breaking point? Hanging by a thread perhaps, but that thread has not quite snapped. <BR/><BR/>The parents who have been in that very situation are the other parents who have taken that decision. I have had messages from a few of them, mainly saying "Thank you for having the courage to speak out about this". None of them have (so far) been willing to talk publicly about this - and seeing some of the reactions towards one woman who has done so, I can understand why. <BR/><BR/>I'd also like to point out that the article in the Mail on Sunday is a heavily abridged version of the book. Very heavily - to squash 250 or so pages into one article takes some editing. Perhaps it would be sensible to read the book in full (as some have done) before assuming that the full details are known? I know some people are objecting to spending money on it, but perhaps a local library might be able to obtain a copy?<BR/><BR/>TiaTiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11360092874754466982noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2411253170651203836.post-81696904809795293892008-03-10T08:23:00.000+00:002008-03-10T08:23:00.000+00:00Many of the mums on Mumsnet, do have very disabled...Many of the mums on Mumsnet, do have very disabled children. They are in Julias shoes and thus are entitled to an informed opinion. <BR/>Julia portrays herself, and has been described as brave. But we do not believe that she is.<BR/>We have to challenge, this view that what she did was brave. I could sympathise with anyone, who has struggled and come to such decision.<BR/>But to do this at the first possible opportunity ? And then you should atleast occasionally question your choice. Did I do the right thing ? Julia is totally in denial. She has blocked out what she did and thinks that she did the right thing..<BR/>The mumsnet thread is a fair debate of all the issues surrounding this case. Mostly from people in that very situation.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2411253170651203836.post-49536633593622953292008-03-09T14:32:00.000+00:002008-03-09T14:32:00.000+00:00I also found India Knight's article and most of th...I also found India Knight's article and most of the comments on it, to be very judgemental. People's resources are not limitless and do not come from the same sources for all people and not everyone is capable of doing all things, however much society deems it as the higher moral choice.<BR/><BR/>I don't know where the money from the book is going, and I haven't read it. I hope it's going towards caring for Mog, which I imagine is not cheap.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2411253170651203836.post-24065731261940709032008-03-08T18:56:00.000+00:002008-03-08T18:56:00.000+00:00here here. I read what was posted on mumsnet and f...here here. <BR/>I read what was posted on mumsnet and felt sick that people could be so cruel and nasty about someone they plainly dont know and without even reading the book. Judgemental? Hugely! Shoes, in someones, hard to judge til you are in them...comes to mind. <BR/>I personally didnt ask for my daughter to become sick, but i never pretended that i could cope. I have upmost respect for people who voice their opinions but no respect for those who judge without all the facts. <BR/>Above all, I know that Mog is one happy child.....isnt that the most fundamental factor here? surely!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com