Wednesday, 1 December 2010

December memos

Dear hoist engineer,

You are a hoist engineer working for a company supplying hoists to people living in the community. It's safe to assume that the majority of your clients will either have a disability of some kind themselves or else be caring for someone with a disability. "I've met some Disabled who have more between their ears than normal people" is therefore a sentence you may wish to consider striking from your vocabulary sooner rather than later. Oh, and whilst pruning vocab, could you perhaps understand that children attending special school have not been "Sectioned"?
Thank you for your kind attention in this matter.

Dear Weather Man,

Snow. Snow, snow snow! Everywhere in the country, snow. And what do we get? less than 3/8ths of an inch, not even enough to sew a seam with, which falls in the night and fades away during the day. This is almost worse than none at all. Could you please send us a nice pretty fat snow blanket so we are no longer the only green spot in the country or else turn the rest of the country's snow into grey slush so we can laugh at them ?

Dear Mog,

I know you don't like having dental treatment. And I know you can't swallow. But they really were suctioning you just as fiercely as I would have been. Aspirating the water and tartar really wasn't necessary. If I've misjudged you and this chest thing is totally unrelated, I apologise. But either way, could you just calm down and breathe a little please? I don't want to call out the little green men just yet. Or at all, really.

Dear Little Fish,

Yes, the kitchen light is on. I'm mixing meds, washing nebs, making cups of tea, feeding the cat. You want total darkness in your bed, allow me to close the door. Once you are in bed, you don't get to control the light switches in other rooms. Deal with it. I love you dearly, but you aren't the one in charge here and we both seem to be forgetting that a little again.

Dear Feet,

The eczema is itchy. And optional. Desist.

That's all for now.


Ashley said...

I wish I were surprised by the comments of the hoist man....

Hope Mog feels better and that Little Fish settles down

Pagangracecat said...

Blimey Tia - think you should consider actually sending the first letter and making sure the idiot gets it in the neck. Terrible comments.

Anonymous said...

Whilst I disagree with the choice of vocabulary chosen by Mr Hoist Engineer I do have to agree with the sentiment of his words!

Tia said...

You agree that children in special schools should be sectioned under the Mental Health Act and that the fact intelligence is not linked to physical ability is surprising?

Anonymous said...

What a busy post, I love the comment to LF, i have to remind myself and the girls who is in control sometimes.

As for the hoist man arrahhhh x

Anonymous said...

sorry, no just the first bit about them having more intelliegence!

Sandra Fisher said...

Hoistman - aaargh! Stupid man.

Mog - breathe, please!

Little Fish - yes mummy really is boss (I often have the 'who is boss' conversation with Alice - who thinks she can decide who watches the telly or uses the foot stool!)

kitchu said...

oof what horrible comments from the hoist man. and as e often likes to say (and this is for Mog): no choking!(or more accurately, aspirating).


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