Thursday, 26 November 2015

Imogen.

So here's the thing. 


I've written this a dozen different ways, but there aren't actually any easy ways to say it. 


We came into Helen House last week, to try to sort out Imi's pain. We did sort out the pain; she's had a mostly very comfortable and settled week. Alleluia! But, we did that by stopping her feeds. Food or formula going in; unbearable pain and spasm and thrashing around in agony. No food; peace, smiles, calmness.  


We tried tiny tasters of food. Instant pain and discomfort. 


No food brings peace, but obviously it brings its own complications; Jesus may have survived 40 nights in the desert without food or water, but most of us don't have that constitution. 


Imi is managing water (dioralyte). But 100 calories a day isn't sustainable in the long term. 


We came home. By choice, last Thursday. With a plan for a big Road Trip to visit her best friend, and a promise of no more travelling after that. 


Imi has other plans. 


We planned to rest until our trip away; Imi was awake very early on Sunday, and adamant she wanted to come to church. And so we did. And it was painful, and she objected to the sermon (not on theological grounds; she just preferred the worship). She sang a little, hung around for coffee, and I discovered my elbows must have been getting dusty without me noticing. 


On Monday, we had a chat (because, even through the fog of pain relief there are still times when she is awake, alert, happy, and communicative). She told me Yes, her body is wearing out. Yes, she's tired. Yes, she knows she doesn't need words to speak to Jesus (eye roll: mother you are so stupid to even question that). Yes she's ready to go with Him. 


No, there's nothing she needs to do. No, there's nothing she wants to do. No, she's not sad. 


I asked her about our plans for the weekend. No response. 


Tuesday, Imi had the most peaceful day she's had for possibly months. Heart rate consistently very very low (for her), calmness and peace, and the carers we had visiting left early as it was so very clear she only wanted to rest with her Mennonite hymns on a loop. SE Samonte playlists on YouTube, for those who want to know what Imi's been listening to much of the time. 


Yesterday (Wednesday), Imi woke up with a fever. I say Imi woke up; I mean, I woke up and found Imi with a fever. I don't think she slept on Tuesday night. 


And then she started fitting. 


We had big long peaceful lovely cuddles, then our nurses came and we swapped over for a bit. Imi wasn't wanting to talk to me, but gave a big yes to having a nurse cuddle before my legs fell off. 


A friend came; she and I escaped the house for a short while. Imi started fitting again, I came home, and it became clear that whilst we were making plans to cancel or postpone the road trip, Imi had a different destination in mind. 


One GP, three paramedics and an ambulance later, we are back at Helen House. And as we got Imi into bed here, her heart rate settled right down again, and despite the seizures she has been very calm and peaceful once more. 


Some soreness last night, resolved by finding a less bright light, rolling her back onto the side she usually dislikes, stopping her dioralyte, and giving her some extra morphine. 


It's now 5am; I went downstairs to see her, and she has not stirred from where she was last night. 


Calm, peaceful, and clear that her work on earth is done. 


Tia 

37 comments:

Caz said...

Oh Imi. And you. Thoughts and admiration for you both, and thanks, from a long time reader.

Meggy said...

God bless her and give her peace. She has fought the good fight.

Praying for all of you.

Suze said...

I will come & visit this morning if that's ok?

Anne Taylor said...

Thank you for posting this. It must have been hard. Big hugs and praying for you all

Lorena Hall said...

No words. Just love and hugs xx

enia said...

Imi we have never met but I feel I know you a little bit as your friend Leroy has told me what a special friend you are to him. His face light up when he hears your name. Much love Enia x

enia said...

Imi we have never met but I feel I know you a little bit as your friend Leroy has told me what a special friend you are to him. His face light up when he hears your name. Much love Enia x

Anonymous said...

Dear Imogen & Tia, All my love. Peace to you beautiful Imi. Lara

Mama B said...

Sending love and strength. Imi, we love you. May you be at peace now, and move on into the greatest joy. I can already picture you, when the time comes, singing and dancing with Jesus with the most enormous grin on your beautiful face. And Tania, praying for peace and comfort for you and Amana too. Xxxx

Anaya Rivenwood said...

Wishing you all peace at this time.

Mary Perry said...

Praying for strength & peace for you all, and for Imi joy and much singing as she meets her Saviour. xx Mary

Frances Tiller said...

We have never meet imi but I know about you and your family through special kids and you mummy's blog. My God grant you peace. Keeping you all in our thoughts and prayers xxx Frances, Emily and josh

Anonymous said...

Oh Tia and Imi. You will be in our prayers for peace and comfort. I'm glad Imi is able to tell you what she wants. X Anna

jules radford said...

All our love to you and to Imi. We feel very privileged to have known you for so many years. So glad that Imi is able to make her wishes known xxx
Jules, Trevor, Abby , Zach and Lucy and Charlie xxxx

Alesha said...

No words. Prayers to the Father on your behalf. Much love.

Alesha said...

No words. Prayers to the Father on your behalf. Much love.

Anonymous said...

We havent met Imi in this life (Nearly at New Wine!) and look forward to meeting somewhere near His throne... very moved and sad that her physical 'tent' is wearing out so soon. Comfort and peace Tia and Amana x x x

Anna said...

Love to you all (you don't know me, I read every post and comment very occasionally).

Anna

PMDPeter said...

Oh Imi, What do we say.

Imi I hope you can pull through this, but you have already indicated you are not frightened to meet your maker.

I hope your journey, whichever way you take, is peaceful and pain free.

Our thoughts are with all three of you at this time.

Flatpack said...

Thinking of you all. Rick, Beckey and the girls.

Flatpack said...

Thinking of you all. Rick, Beckey and the girls.

Jo Goodwin said...

Thinking of you all and hoping which ever path you take now is peaceful and pain free

Pollyward said...

So sorry to hear of Imi's passing, but at least she's at peace and no more pain-thoughts are with her family and other loved ones xxxx ❤️❤️❤️

Anonymous said...

Such elegant eloquence from Imi as well as you. Imi holds a very special place in my heart, as you know - you all do. Thinking of and praying for you all. May the journey ahead be a smooth (accessible!) one. K xx

Emma Payn said...

We had the privilege of meeting Imi last year at SK camp and wish her a peaceful onward journey. Sending love and hugs to you all Emma, Toby and Jessie xxx

Emma Payn said...

We had the privilege of meeting Imi last year at SK camp and wish her a peaceful onward journey. Sending love and hugs to you all Emma, Toby and Jessie xxx

Elmo_spoon said...

My thoughts are with you all. Imi I have loved reading about your life over the years and will continue to love hearing your name on this blog ,(for however long it exists) and thinkibg if you. You have brought man's(and other thoughts and feels) to many people's lives including those who have never met you. I hope that the rest of your time is peaceful and that you are all as supported as you can be. Elis (and some aloof love from my cat Sheila x

pippinsmum said...

Tia,
you don't know me but I have been reading your blog for a few years/ This morning I was prompted to check for a post, and am so glad I did.
Praying for you at this difficult time, that our heavenly Father will hold you really close, and Amara too, as she will feel the loss just as much.God bless you.
Pat

chloewomble said...

I've read this 5 or 6 times now, more moved everytime I read it. I didn't really know Imi-my daughter went to school with Imi's sister for a short time years ago and I've crossed paths with Imi's Mum on a few occasions, notably at a child's party where she was pushing one wheelchair and pulling another-an amazing lady and Mum to her girls-thinking of you...Pauline

Mindo said...

Long time reader here too, and something prompted me to check in to see if you had posted. I'm so sorry to hear this news, and my thoughts are with you all.

Anonymous said...

Thinking of you all - I too was prompted to look for a post today. Praying for peace and strength for you all.

Trina and Jophie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Chloe said...

Sending much, much love to you all, from another long time reader xxxxx

mq cb said...

Tia and Amana, I'm so very sorry for your loss. I hope and trust that you, your family and Imogen's other family will find the strength to bear this. Wishing you all peace and comfort.

Ashley said...

wordless love from a longtime reader in St. John's NL.

Anonymous said...

Oh this is heartbreaking. I have been following your story for years now. I wish you peace and strength Tia, and for A too x

Anonymous said...

Tania, Amana and Imogen, my thoughts and prayers are with you and all the family. Imogen has touched and inspired many people and I am proud to have known and loved her too. She will remain in our hearts for ever.

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