Sunday, 26 September 2010

Friends like me.

So, a while back, we went to stay with a friend for a few days. I decided I'd be kind and generous, and brought a bag of fresh mushrooms from my parents' garden. Organic, brown and white, big, beautiful, the finest recycled mushroom compost can provide. And so we loaded the bus, and off we drove, and after a lengthy tour of the country, there we were. And we unloaded the bus, dumped foodstuff in the kitchen, and collapsed in a heap in the sitting room until much coffee had been consumed.

Girls to bed, grown up conversation, civilised meal, more conversation and a rather late night. And in the morning, children, busyness, plans, more food, etcetera and so on. And an increasingly pervasive odour of ancient fish. Being the polite kind of a person that I am, I ascribed it to drains and ignored it. And being the polite kind of a person that my friend is, she too ascribed it to drains and surreptitiously cleaned the sink, scrubbed the loo, and sterilised the dishwasher. And the fish persisted. Until, eventually, in desperation, my friend picked up the bag of mushrooms to clean underneath them. And the bag collapsed, and the fishy smell multiplied, and a thin stream of foul-smelling fluid flowed gently out of the bag and across the room, under cupboards and into packets of biscuits and over the kitchen appliances, carrying with it a tide of baby woodlice.

The gift that keeps on giving.

My friend retaliated by giving me a box of chocolates on her return visit. I'm assuming she didn't know about the whole "Tia's having a madly healthy month or so and actually shedding pounds for the first time in years thing." It couldn't possibly have been revenge by sabotage, could it?

We agreed it would probably be best if I never again brought food to her house.

We've had a bit of a houseparty. My Trojan Mushroom friend for two nights from Thursday, and other friends on an epic journey from the frozen wastelands soggy city of the North to collect a rather special chair from somewhere considerably closer to us for the weekend. We have made the satisfying discovery that there is just space for a cot mattress on the floor of Mog's bedroom (and I do mean just space; to enter the room you have to stand on the mattress), and that Little Fish is very happy to sleep there and does in fact prefer it to her own bed in her own bedroom. We just about have enough sockets for their various breathing devices, and by clamping the door properly we can contain two girls in a bedroom only five foot wide; I wonder how long we could do this for without either of them getting bored or Mog's carers objecting to standing on Little Fish whilst getting Mog dressed? I also wonder what social services would make of me parceling both of them into the smallest room in the house so shall take the opportunity to point out to any SWs reading that it was in fact a purely overnight device despite any inclination to make it longer term. Ahem.

One of those beautifully relaxed mornings on Saturday. A house full of friends, children all pleased to see each other and content to gaze at each other and giggle, and show off to each other and be entertained by each other, and to need only minimal adult attention. Leaving three adults free to sit and chat and drink tea and coffee and eat breakfast and make more drinks and chat some more. And working in a kind of synchrony which had one friend rootling through the 'fridge as another poured muesli,and as I lovingly sliced and toasted some extra delicious bread yet another friend had made for us a few days earlier. I passed the toast across and sat back with more coffee.

And a small, diffident voice asked "May I please be excused from eating this?" And we looked, and realised that not content with the mushroom incident, I had somehow failed to notice the rank mould thickly coating the bread, which had turned a vivid blue whilst being toasted.

We had Tesco Sandwiches for lunch. And, oddly enough, my friend decided to leave before tea on the Saturday. For I am truly the hostess with the mostest. She had her revenge again though; leaving hot chocolate souffles and cream which remaining friend and I were forced to eat last night. It's a tough job, but someone has to do it.

And now they've all gone, and the musical beds have stopped, and the girls are sleeping sweetly in theirs, the cats have settled for the night on the shower bench, and I can hear my own bed calling my name.


pippinsmum said...

Oh poor you. I sometimes don't notice that bread has gone mouldy until I bite into it. Our kitchen is very warm so we tend to keep bread in the fridge. Even so I pulled some out the other day which was bright green all down the middle of the loaf. Husband had to go to Tesco for his sandwiches the next day. What a hardship! people always buy me chocolates when I try to eat healthily too

Anonymous said...

Oh your poor friend lol. Bless if its who i think it is she loves you loads no matter how many times you try and poison her lol xxx

Doorless said...

Good thing she is a friend. You are the hostess. The mushroom thing had me smiling for I have done the same thing on occasion. At least you tried.
Glad you had a good time!

Tina said...

I can only say since you treat us all in similar fashion at least you show no favouritism. Some get collapsing beds other mouldy bread. You are such a wonderful friend I am sure this weekends friends like us will return soon for more.

Elinor said...

Ha ha! Love it!

kitchu said...

The gift that keeps on giving.

that was the line that caused me to aspirate on MY morning tea i was laughing so hard :)


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