Monday, 18 October 2010

Another year, another letterbox

Out into the void I send this year's newsletter. A few short pages to summarise a year in the life of one small child. A letter to people who created this my youngest child, people I catch a glimpse of in her features and expressions, yet people I have never met.

I write this blog, and the majority of you who read it are people who have never met me. So why does this feel different? I suppose because I have come to know some of you through comments here, others through your own blogs; those of you who read and yet don't comment are equally welcome. This is however my story, my blog, a glimpse into my life. You see my girls through my eyes, and I edit life to avoid telling other people's stories.

In theory, I write a letter to strangers every time I hit "publish". But it is so very different to writing a letter to these most intimate of strangers. Are they reading this as well as my annual "here we all are again" note? Should I just send a note telling them this exists, and inviting them to follow our adventure here, where they'd have far more frequent updates?

Do they want these letters? Am I getting them right, are they long enough, informative enough, photographic enough, honest enough? Do they include the full picture, or do I withhold information which might concern them? Do they wish to know this, do they collect them from the letterbox drop or are they sitting in a file somewhere? Do these letters open fresh heartbreak each year or ease the loss?

And I wonder at what point I ought to include this little person in the writing of them. She can write her own name now, ought I to have included her signature or a picture she has drawn? She's still fairly convinced I'm talking nonsense when I tell her she didn't grow inside me, would including her in this project help her to make sense of it, or would she expect a reply and would it unsettle her?

Should I have asked the questions I have for them? Ought I to share my hopes and dreams or stick to describing past events?

I don't know. But, it's done, for this year at least. And can be shelved for another twelve months.
I"m tired.


kitchu said...

a very thoughtful post with some questions that maybe can't be answered. what i do know is that i absolutely love reading you- i love the honesty and the humor, the gritty and the glorious that seems to come through in just about everything you type to us, your readers.

Yvonne said...

I'm sure they appreciate the letters very much.

Alesha said...

I'm wondering if there is some "in between" person who could ask these questions for you.

I would be so frustrated year after year...just wondering whether to continue in the same vein, or to try something new, or are they even wanted now?

As to having LF take a part in them, I know the Lord will give you wisdom on that front. He will guide you when the time is right, or will not give you peace to include her, if it would not be best.

Thanks for sharing, and I agree with kitchu - "the gritty and the glorious" could definitely be a new blog title for you! that covers it pretty well.

God bless you for your faithfulness to write these yearly letters. At the very least, you are keeping your word and being faithful to the promise you made. That in itself makes it worth doing.


Anonymous said...

Wow--thought provoking questions! Did they ask for these letters or is this a requirement you just need to do every year? Are you willing for them to write you back and ask you questions? Guess if so-I'd just ask them if they would mind writing back and seeing what all they want to know. If they don't well I'd base my next years letter on that. If LF is like one of my adopted daughters and interested in her birth family--maybe drawing a picture for them would help--as long as she knows that she might not hear from them and is okay with that.--Another parent judgement call that we all have to make from time to time.

For my part --thanks for you blog I really enjoy reading them and following the happenings in your family!

You mean there's more??? said...

it must be odd writing to someone you know nothing about.

We have had contact with parents a lot but you usually end up wishing you didn't know them at all...

Those kids are not half growing up Tia.

Tia said...

They are growing up - hugely and biggly and breathtakingly.


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