Take one Grandad, and post him up a tree
Spend the next three weeks converting the apples into a whole lot of this
and a freezer full of puree, and friends avoiding me in the street in case I try to shuffle another box of beetly apples into their car; apple lemon cakes, an intriguing apple curd recipe cooling on the counter as I type, gingersnaps (as a break from the apples), pumpkin pureeing and pumpkin seeds roasting (ditto); short pauses only when absolutely essential and mainly governed by when the food waste bin is full and can't take any more parings.
Combine with the need to swap thisfor this
and the hunt for a settee to fit opposite it;
Add in the most sociable month we've had in the past seven years, with friends for weekends and friends for sudden overnights, and friends on the phone and friends on Skype, and escaping for a few days,
Combine with two children slightly under par, one of whom has managed to set my phone to look like this
Leave in a cosy but somewhat cluttered house and bake at room temperature for several weeks.
Normal service may be resumed shortly. And is more likely to be resumed if I ever manage to work out how to get the new wireless router working. In the meantime, excuse me please.