Tuesday, 21 April 2009

Note to self:

Omeprazole is the clear liquid stored in the 'fridge.
Domperidone is the clear liquid stored out of the 'fridge.
The two are not interchangeable.

If three nappy wearing children are all living in the same house, it does not automatically follow that they can all three wear the same size nappies. And since you know full well they do not wear the same size nappies, it therefore does follow that the wrong nappy on the wrong child will cause big leaks.

On a similar note, small boys do not look good in Makka Pakka pants.

If you hang a tube feed on a doorhandle and attach it to a small child, moving the child away from the doorhandle will result in a milk bath. These, contrary to myth, are not good for the complexion. Or the hair. Or the floor. Or the wheelchair.

Alcohol gel is good*. It's useful, it's portable, it backs up soap and water nicely. It does not replace soap and water. It has a handy side use for cleaning bathroom tiles (101 uses for a babywipe and a squirt of Purell number 63). Under no circumstances whatsoever should it come into contact with eyeballs. So for future reference, if using it to clean glasses (101 uses for a babywipe and a squirt of Purell number 87), make sure there isn't a large blob left on the inside before returning the glasses to your face.

Whilst a drop of shower gel on a babywipe (1001 uses for a babywipe, of which the earlier Purell related list is a subset) can indeed help towards a quick freshen up at times when a shower is unfeasable, replacing the shower gel with Purell is a Very Bad Thing and one which should not feature on any list at all. Ever. Even if it does reach the parts no other cleanser can reach.

When attending a hospital outpatients appointment, do not ever assume that "oh no, it's only for bloods, it won't be long" means that buying a 2 hour parking ticket will be the safe option.

If you have a list of twelve phone calls to make, it is safe to assume that nine of these people will be unavailable, and three will be forgotten. Of the unavailable nine, seven will return your call at times when you cannot answer the phone, and the remaining two at times when you accidentally answer the phone, for example whilst putting a small child to bed or thirty seconds before finally being called in for the blood tests. In the three minutes your phone is switched off, a similarly safe assumption may be made that three other callers will leave messages unrelated to the twelve on the original list. Of these three, two will ask you to return their call but leave no number. The third will leave their number but the message will be incoherent. In the meantime, you will receive approximately thirty seven text messages, some from friends and some from professionals, and all of which will receive a cursory glance and a "must get onto that later".

Each phonecall you do actually manage to make successfully will lead, not to an item crossed off the to-do list but to thirteen more items added to the list, at least three of which will involve making further phone calls.

Buying the parking ticket will remind you that you have not yet replaced the blue badge on the dashboard. This will lead to several hours of gently wondering where it might be, before remembering that it is in fact in the wallet containing passports, court papers and essential medical info last seen at Heathrow after going through security. A dim recollection of stuffing said wallet into Friend's rucksack will lead to panicked communications confirming Friend does not have said documents any more.

When trying to replace one's wheelchair accessible van with another, slightly more spacious version, it is probably best not to continue to push the salesman who informs one that "you won't like that vehicle and this one's not for sale". Go elsewhere. Although the "we sold the last one of those last week" chap and the "oo you won't find anything like that anywhere" bloke probably aren't the ideal either. Somewhere, out there, there exists a converter who can provide what we want. Stop spending time phoning the ones who can't and won't.

And when the garage takes your van, keeps it for a fortnight then fails to return it as promised, returning it three days late and unrepaired, it is probably best not to try to phone and find out why.

To recap; today I had a list of twelve phonecalls. This has inexplicably multiplied with no single issue being totally resolved. I have lost our passports, I cannot park properly without the blue badge, my eyes hurt, I have one very cold bottle of Domperidone, the laundry monster has had an extremely large feed, I have an even longer list of must-dos for tomorrow, and I'm running low on coffe. I am tired.

No children were harmed in the making of this blog.

*as a hand sanitizer, not a drink.**

**although after today I may consider it.


Anonymous said...

Think you could do with a holiday!!

Anonymous said...

Sounds like a frustratingly interesting day!
Hope tomorrow goes much better.

sarah bess said...

good thing your sense of humor's intact. miserable about the passports. I totally hate making phone calls, so sympathy from this corner is abundant.

Tina said...

Normal life has resumed then???

Becca said...

Tia: you need a) a Specialist Vehicles Fund grant, if you don't have one already, and b) to contact KC Mobility in Batley.

Yes, I know it's in Yorkshire. They are also the absolute kings of really high-quality bespoke accessible vehicle conversions. They did my Mercedes Sprinter (courtesy of SVF) which pretty much involved gutting the entire thing and rebuilding from scratch to accommodate me driving from unusually tall wheelchair with extremely limited arm function to operate hand controls. They did an absolutely brilliant job. I know having a van converted so far away would be a bit of a nightmare but honestly, their work knocks spots off all the London/South East stuff I've seen. A lot of the others do very standard 'bread and butter' conversions which often have huge flaws, particularly the lowered-floor one that takes half your fuel tank capacity away... cos navigating filling stations with a big van full of kids twice as often as necessary is a laugh and a half.

PS thrilled to read that LF is doing so well with CISC - well okay not quite 'self' yet but still! I've got an indwelling suprapubic catheter, I assume this is the small op she'll be having at some point? I'm sure your continence nurse will tell you but there are various easy-grip gadgets for when she learns to cath herself - specifically one set of tongs for holding the catheter securely and aiming it and another for sorting your underbits out so you can see (with a mirror 'twixt your knees) what you're doing. The rate she's going it'll be a matter of months.

Tia said...

Watch this blog for vehicle related news - don't want to say anything too much yet incase vehicle gazumping is a possibility. It's coming from up north for a test run later this week and if all goes well should be ours very soon!

The bladder op is a bit bigger than suprapubic; they want her to have a mitrofanoff. I'm happier with that although it's a bigger op I think; at least it means no tube there most of the time so hopefully less change of confusion with her Gastrostomy - did think of tattooing IN and OUT on them but apparently they won't do that for a child. Shame!



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