Wednesday, 17 June 2009


One is one and all alone and ever more shall be so.

I'd have linked but the only videos I can find are troops of boy scouts and that's just not beautiful! So, if you know the quote you're now singing along (and hating me for not including the lyrics cos you're probably stuck on 8 or 9); if you don't then you won't have a clue what I'm talking about. So what's new?

One is the number of adults in this household. That comes as a surprise to some of the people who know me; even if they see me regularly a reasonable number assume there's a husband tucked away in the corner somewhere. There isn't. I'm not divorced, not hopelessly and bitterly disappointed (nor yet mildly and blandly disappointed), just single and generally happy to be so.

When I say this, people tell me I "mustn't give up hope". I'm not giving up hope; marriage is just not something I particularly hope for. I hope for children, and for a long time I assumed I'd have to be married in order for that to be a possibility. I hope for family - and I have that. Growing up I always wanted a sister, and now I have two, through my brothers' marriages.

My Great Aunt who died recently was single; as far as I know she was single her whole life. I don't think her singleness defined her life though, and I'm absolutely certain it didn't limit it. And yet, at her funeral, two of her friends attempted to comfort me, not for the loss of my Great Aunt, but for my single status.

I'm not anti-marriage; I'm certainly not anti-men. I am however pretty convinced that marriage is a calling, and that a marriage takes a fair amount of work to keep in good condition. That's energy I put into my children, into the rest of my life, into this blog for that matter. Which, again, isn't to suggest the marrieds amongst you have less energy for all of those things! Open mouth, insert foot.

And of course, although I might not have a husband, might not have someone to cook for and clean for and wash for and nag to do the gardens and the diy and question as to his whereabouts whenever late from work company, a partner to share the load and split the excitement, I'm not exactly alone. I've got this Friend, Counsellor, Guide, Comforter, Companion, Lord and God, and He does tend to stick around no matter what I say or do...


Sara x said...

Thanks for a very honest blog. Sara xxx

Elinor said...

Well put! Funnily I get the opposite. People go 'you're married? Really?'

Alesha said...

awesome blog! (and I for one DO have less energy to do all the things you listed! lol!!!)

i'm going to send some of my single friends over to read this post. not because you are striving to be an example of singleness, but because they might find encouragement in another who is walking a similar road.

thanks for sharing!

Michelle said...

I totally understand this post. Yes, it does take work to have a good marriage. And Yes, some people have a very fulfilling life NOT being married. You're not missing anything if marriage is not your calling. Its okay! And besides, I only know you as "Tia the Mom".
Michelle & girls in USA

Almost American said...

I can imagine people reading your blog and thinking how hard your life must be as a single parent. I have heard of so many families where the children have 'special needs' and the parents split up because the pressure was too much so I don't think being married or having a partner would necessarily make your life any easier. You have children already, and any potential partner is going to have to accept that - and it does limit the field.

I do find it easier being a parent because I have a partner - but only because it's the right one, and even then there are some days when he only complicates things . . . and then there are the days when the children complicate my relationship with him. Any way you do it, parenting is hard to do well.

I didn't find my husband until I was at a point where I was very comfortable in my life without a partner. Had I not found him, my life would have been very different, but just as fulfilling.

val said...

jack has been singing a song today that was very apt after reading this - the song is 'for a friend' and the lyrics he was singing are 'there's more to life than boy meets girl....'


sarah bess said...

Amen. Hallelujah. Blessed be the Name of the Lord.


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