Today I walked down Cowley Road. Alone. Not pushing a chair and not having to make conversation with anyone. I browsed the secondhand bookshops, I avoided a man trying to sell me okra, I collected money from the bank. And then I came back to the house and sat with my little girl as she played with dolls and a play kitchen and the craft supplies. And then I sat with my bigger girl and snuggled her to sleep.
Not very exciting perhaps, but a dry run for tomorrow when I getting spend a whole full day with a dear friend. We're off to find old Inklings haunts. And to sit and walk and chat and walk and sit. And chat. Fun times.
Tonight I had to do what I have been avoiding for a while, and update the girls' DNR forms. They are massively overdue as I have refused to fill them in when the girls are around. Not because I want to hide things from them but because there are ways and means of discussing these things. And having a child on my lap as I decide what measures should or should not be taken in an emergency is not my chosen means of doing it.
So we fixed a time when they would be in bed, and I geared myself up to facing an overdose of reality. We did the first one very easily, a couple of minor alterations and a shock for the nurse who had somehow not picked up on all the complications. And then I was ready for the next. A much harder one this. And one which has been waiting several years. And...it didn't get done. They won't accept I have the right to fill it in unless they have a piece of paper telling them I have that right. So it will be shelved, massively out of date and unsigned, for another few months. I just hope we don't need it in the meantime.
Doing the thing is hard. I wonder though if the decisionmakers realise how hard not doing it can also be?
And then I walked back down the corridor and listened to two girls sleeping sweetly. And came back upstairs and had a glass of wine and read a book and enjoyed the reassurance that someone else would be doing the night shift again. I could get used to this.
Night
Tia
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4 comments:
How wise you are to do the DNR while girls are sleeping. They esp Lfmight pick up on how you would be feeling.
Your mini vacation is just lovely. Have a great day tomorrow with your friend. It is just something I'd love to do.
Helen House sounds wonderful, glad you are making the most of it and enjoying yourself. All apart from the DNR forms I guess.
Have fun tomorrow with your friend. Hugs on the DNR forms xx
Not a task I relish the thought of doing. In some ways we are lucky in that due to the legalities, the final decision to DNR will be with someone else, but hopefully not before we have put our big oar in. (and hopefully never).
Enjoy the rest of your stay and your time out with your friend.
Peter
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