To the person who found my blog by searching for "pink and foamy vomit child"; unless your child has been eating or drinking something red, I strongly recommend you get medical help for him or her.
To the person who found my blog by searching for "growing cress in egg shells" here's how - cut the top off the eggshell, empty the egg out, wash the shell out. Pack it loosely with wet kitchen towel. Sprinkle mustard and cress seeds over the top. Wait a week. You can draw faces on the eggs if you like. Curious to know how you found me using that search term though since as far as I'm aware I've not done that since I was a child!
To the person who searched "Mouldy chocolate truffles", throw them out! You don't need chocolate that much.
To Mr or Ms "I am a foster carer and a key worker" - hi and welcome! What kind of a key worker? Was there anything in particular you wanted to know?
To the person having difficulties with their teenage daughter - I'm sorry to hear that. Teenage girls can be awful to live with. Next time you feel yourself about to snap and hit her, try to walk backwards, lock yourself in the bathroom, stamp up the stairs, waltz out into the garden - just walk away. Easier said than done I know. Your GP may be able to recommend some supportive services or just be a listening ear if you need one.
To the person hunting for shuffle trouders, what? what are trouders? How are they linked with me? even if you meant trousers, what are shuffle trousers? Enquiring minds would like to know.
And to the thankfully few but nevertheless present people who find me by searching for various unsavoury things - at least have the sense not to do this from work. You are trackable. If you actually find what you're looking for I'm thinking you are probably sackable too. I hope this blog was a disappointment to you.
ps - Eve is doing a bit better this morning, thank you people for your prayers.